my eyes opened
head under the pillow.
what would be out there?
i waited.
didn't want to know.
drafts attacked all night;
my tucking repelled them -
cavernous night time retreat.
what would be out there?
probably cold.
cold like you can't imagine.
digs into your bone.
pain to weep for.
silently, alone.
in the bathroom
cheap soap frozen.
anchored to the sink
same for the toothpaste
blow torch might shift it.
filthy for school again.
"no money for 'leki or gas"
mum said; or food.
margarine for breakfast
on a cracker - if im lucky
hunger like you can't imagine.
digs into your bone.
pain to weep for.
silently, alone.
what would be out there?
not my brother,
the only happy part.
he disappeared
don't know where
but he's gone;
no one tells me why.
we'd take baths together
until the day i did a shit.
we laughed. not anymore.
miss him like you can't imagine.
digs into your bone.
pain to weep for.
silently, alone.
stole some money -
chocolate eclair fund
or maybe a fudge
not desperate dan bar though.
nearly died last time.
hospital for ages.
doctor stuck a thumb up my bum
said i was very sick
nil by mouth
Needles in my arm
torment like you can't imagine.
digs into your bone.
pain to weep for.
silently, alone.
arguments are always out there
tucking never stops it
or the pillow on my head.
mums moans from
fucking or being beaten up.
Number 3 scares me.
i have to call him dad -
mine ran away.
I will run away too.
Take my chocolate fund.
freedom like you can't imagine.
digs into your bone.
relief to weep for.
silently, alone.
I think i'll stay
a little longer.
i know what's out there.
